What Would He Say?

In the last year, since my husband of 40 years died, I have given lots of thought to how he approached life and how I would now approach the rest of my life.  It all seems like a second choice to me – the left-overs.  Nothing will ever quite reach the standard of the life I had actually chosen now that my life partner was missing.  It took me a long time to come to grips with not having a best friend from whom to seek advice every day – so I wrote what he may have wanted to say to me and to his kids.

I admit in the last years of his dying, we never talked of him not being here.  Perhaps that was a mistake.  Perhaps these days of aloneness would somehow be comforted by what he may have said to me.  It just hurt us both too much as he was dying to admit it was actually happening.  We fought death to the last breath, to the last second. We never did admit it would happen.

Anyway – here is a litany from my vision of my good friend…..

What Would He Say?

Get on with living.  Have a good time,

I did.

Think of me with love. Do the right thing.

I did.

Be an upstanding citizen. Be a good dad.

I was.

Be a loving husband. Be a loyal friend.

Work hard at everything you do.

I did.

Help others do the right thing.

Forgive others by seeing the bigger picture.

Care for people you meet.

Play hard.

I did.

Enjoy your play.

Give hockey a chance. Give boating a chance.

Give motorcycling a chance. Give flying a chance.

Give modeling a chance.

Be yourself.

I was – every day – just me.

 I would have liked to have had more time with my life.  There was so much left to do.  As it is, I did many of the things I had hoped I would.  Other people gave me chances in life that I only dreamed of.  I was steady and steadfast in my work and my free time.  I was dependable and honest with other people all the time. I did not cut corners with my hobbies or my relationships.

The biggest regret I have had in losing my life is that I cannot now watch my grandchildren grow up even a little bit.  They were a source of great joy in my life and I know they will enrich the lives of everyone around them as they go through all of those wonderful years ahead. I only wish I could be there to support them and to love them.

Keep me in your hearts.  Love me in your dreams.  Live for me.

All my love

One response to “What Would He Say?

  1. Carman could have written this too, Donna! This is who he was, especially the last paragraph…..

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