A Clean House

Who needs it?

Yesterday, as I was eating Doritos by the handful and watching, once again, Harry Potter in all of his glory, I looked down at my sloppy old black jogging pants and noticed that they were covered in blonde dog hair.  I saw that I had slathered Nacho cheese powder on the sleeve of my old white sweatshirt and that my toenail polish was chipping off  almost every one of my toes.  What a mess I was.  What was I thinking?

Then I noticed that there was a hairball on my dining room floor, a smear of something left over from my dog’s breakfast on the kitchen mat, the sink was full of yesterday’s dirty dishes and I had forgotten to run the dishwasher last night. There was some kind of fluff all over the family room floor due, no doubt, to a toy my puppy had discovered and mostly devoured.

The counter tops were dirty and who put those finger prints and drippy water marks on the front of my fridge?

Every time I turned on a light, yesterday, I would hear a pop and another bulb would have bitten the dust.  The barbecue starter stopped working and I missed the recycling collection. A load of wash from last week was turning green in my washing machine  and, oh my gosh, when was the last time I scooped the kitty litter?

Well folks, it was I who created the messes and it was I who had to  admit I had let the world go on without me for a few days.  Never before had I ever just let the hours go by like that.  Never before had I actually watched the squirrels and the blue jays eat those peanuts I had been spending a fortune on. Never before had I played with the pup and run around the back yard unafraid of who saw me and what they thought.  Never before had I spent so long in the tub, soaking the care of the world away as my skin puckered up like crazy and the water began to get cold.  Never before had I ever enjoyed Nacho Doritos so much.

It was at this moment of realization, that I got a call from a local newsman who wanted to interview me and he was working under the pressure of a deadline.  I told him he could come over but that my house was a mess.  Lo and behold, he actually thought the house looked great and I don’t think he saw how really ugly my clothes were.  We had a great talk.

Somehow that was the confirmation I needed.  I decided to finish those Doritos and watched Harry Potter to the end.

The housework would just have to wait – for me!

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