When I think of something “new”, I think of a beautiful new baby, or a new dress, or a new garden. My life is not new. In fact, my life is old. Its been around a long time and experienced many things.
I have decided – today – after shopping for seven hours and then cutting grass for two hours – that this is my “second-go-round”. Not so much new as different.
There have been many times since buying a second house that I felt like I did when I first left home. Many of the comforts I was used to were not available. No jacuzzi, no beautiful deck and fish pond, no finished gardens…and the cupboards were bare of all of the stuff you accumulate over the years. I joked that the kids should give me a shower to get me started in this new house. Unfortunately, no one picked up on that little hint.
Just like when I left home to go to university, I have had to rely on myself every day. Independent and alone. A team of one. There is nothing wrong with aloneness, as long as you feel OK about it and as long as you can walk to a friend or call a buddy when you feel like it.
I think my whining days are coming to a close. I still feel, when I let myself, the pangs of nostalgia that take me back to Jim’s arms That let me feel once again his strong hands and see his beautiful blue eyes and his smile.
Others are beginning to tell me that they miss him. I guess they feel I am strong enough now to hear their stories and it is gratifying to know how many lives he touched.
Every time I hear a plane fly over the cottage I repeat the last statement made in his eulogy by his close friend and fellow pilot…
“Fair winds, my friend… Godspeed.”
He is obviously still in my heart and my thoughts. He lives in a part of my brain that is constant and sure in an upturned world. Even in my second life, I will strive for … fair winds… Thank you my love!