Preface: In the depression that came this year with the coming of this beautiful spring season, I travelled through a rather major transformation. For several days, even though the world seemed to be a very positive place in every respect, there was, once yet again, an urge to just give up, stop, get off the bus, quit thinking so much about living and dying. This story that follows and the next one are sad, but may help some readers to understand that just getting through these sad times allows you to move on with a greater strength, faith and happiness. I think I made it this time.
Life is the darkness that surrounds you. You do not even recognize yourself.
Not wanting, not feeling, only breathing in the dark.
Wondering, what is the purpose of this breathing, this thinking, this existence.
Movie ended, life ended, purpose ended.
Overeating, overindulging – over everything and yet not resolved – to live.
Hurt extending, hurt everlasting, hurt revealing – the naked truth —-I am nothing,
I am empty, I am lost – a stranger in my world, a stranger to myself, a stranger to those who love me still.
My black cat casually rises from his sleep and walks away – slinks away in his own stealth. He is full of his own importance, his own passions, his own hearttbeat…
my pup brings me a toy and lays in the crook of my legs as I ponder my presence here. She has hope that I will rise and she offers me a piece of her optimism.
Her life depends on my life.
Her life is entwined with mine.
How, then, is my life expendable?
It is not.