Me Without Him

OK, so I have come through a bit of a struggle, a minor crisis, a little “feeling-sorry-for-myself” time. I am now back at it – working at getting my grass to grow and my flowers to be happy. I have planted five new trees in my new lawn and I am making my new home my real home. I have designed the addition of a new sewing room, a larger deck and a garden shed to be added to my new house. I am feeling in control and organized – well maybe not organized, since I am in the middle of a construction zone right now. I am actually looking forward to cleaning up the dust and hair-balls once the new parts of my house are completed.
I have come to know my new community a little better during my renovations. Lots of questions coming to me about the construction and people dropping by to say hello and invite me to gatherings around and about town. I have truly received a warm welcome and hope that I can be as kind to others as they have been to me as time goes on.
There are lots of things to do here and plenty of good causes to keep me involved in the community. Everyone is open and accepting of newcomers – many of those people I have met here have similar histories to mine. They have moved on, away from their past and started fresh too.
If I have any advice to new widows, it would be to be sure of yourself as you move ahead. If there is a hint of hesitation about moving or changing anything – don’t do it. I remember one of the “grief” books I read told the story about a new widow who returned from the hospital after losing her husband and the next day had a giant garage sale and sold everything. Of course, she said that the very next day after that she had to go and buy a potato masher … I can sympathize and my children and friends will tell you I was not myself for many months – perhaps years. Everyone has been patient with me, for sure, but as I look back at my journal, as recorded in this blog, I can see that I have changed a lot.

I still can’t believe this is me – without him – but I can appreciate that I take pictures of my grandkids playing soccer and competing in track and field.
I still can’t believe this is me – without him – but I can enjoy buying dresses, pianos, and basketball nets for my grandkids.
I still can’t believe this is me – without him – but I love the deer and the birds that come to eat the food I lay out for them.

OK……

I am beginning to believe this is me without him……

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