It is a beautiful Saturday morning – of course, in retirement, every day is Saturday . The sun is shining and everything is showered with the dew of morning and glistening with sunshine.
The loon woke me up this morning in this green world I now occupy and the Canada geese flew over my head as I sat on my deck, coffee in hand.
I have attracted many songbirds to my feeders and my new fountain. They eat and drink and bathe – getting ready for a day of work and survival. I guess I am one with my bird friends – I get ready for a day of work and survival too.
In my lazy reflections on this beautiful summer morning, I admitted that my husband is always part of everything I do. I try to be true to his memory in the way I carry on my life- in the way I support our kids and in the way I use the money we saved so we could always do whatever we wanted in our old age. That is MY old age now. Still, I carry on for the two of us still……
Gradually, I am living life for myself – doing things I really want to do. I admit, I still do more lifting and heavy work than I ever did, even as a young woman, and I have the bruises to show for it.
I do things now that I never would have done if our lives had continued together. I take chances with my time and money. My new life looks and feels very different than my last life. I am embarking on a new business and I have a new sewing studio that takes my breath away.
Yes, I greatly regret that I could not have had that last life continue – boating, flying and motorcycling – Jim’s hobbies enriched my life so much and he was so much fun………
Yes, I greatly regret that I do not have my number one fan here every day to let me know I am beautiful, talented and loved…..
Yes, I greatly regret that he is gone from my life…….
My family loves me and my grandkids hug me all the time. My three kids, their spouses, and my seven grandkids are the centre of my world!
My neighbours welcome me each day and my friends -new and old – invite me into their lives once and a while.
I have built a new addition to my new home, and constructed bigger gardens to reflect ME – that person I am still getting to know.
One step at a time, I am realizing I really am the captain of my own ship and I have the capacity for joy that does not depend on anybody but me.
Now….I am going shopping!!!!!!!