Three Years Survival

….Yes, still survival….

Today (Mar 3) is Jim’s 67th birthday and I cried – I should have smiled because I remembered his eyes, his human-ness, his heart – his zest for living.

Instead, visions of his dying still intruded into my thoughts…his pain, his bravery, his loss.

How do I get rid of those negative last reminders of his dying and his death…those horrific, unpreventable events…..

I want to remember Jim with happy thoughts. I want to smile when I think of him – because we had such a wonderful life together. It doesn’t seem right that 40 years of a life spent together should be dominated by six months of dying together.

For my fellow berieved…. three years has marked a turning point for me in living life as an independent person – for smiling unreservedly, for not feeling guilty about smiling unreservedly and for getting my act together in terms of taking care of myself better.

I plan to get back to exercising and putting my “falling-apart” body back together.
I plan to continue to nurture new relationships with my peers and serve my community to the best of my abilities.
I plan to work on my quilts until I am finally happy with one.
I plan to love my kids and their kids until the day I die.

Most of all…..

I plan to do more than just survive……


…. still love you, Jim!!

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