OK. I am actually happy. I , however, still find myself trying to interpret my feelings through my life with Jim – the only barometer of happiness I have ever had. I still refer to my daily activities with my former self in mind. But…
I am not second-guessing myself so much anymore.
There is so much to be thankful for – to rejoice in – to love… still.
I came across a video of my 60th birthday with me kissing my love after he gave me a wonderful birthday gift. It was a family celebration – noisy and filled with drink, loud voices and laughing. After reading the card that JIm inserted into the gift , the video shows me kissing him in a gentle thoughtful way – true love – I could remember that kiss and how it felt .
Jim had been in agony for the two months before this day. He could hardly move without excruciating pain – yet he still wanted to go on with my birthday party. We drove for an hour to get to my son’s house and then to Kegs for dinner.
These are the things you remember.
Make memories_ those of you who are facing a loss like mine. Make times you can remember and rejoice in later, when that person you love can no longer sustain you.
Make the rest of your life bearable by having a memory you can digest again and again and again.
Back to real life………
My plants are coming back to life this spring. The grass grows. The grandkids are happy and my kids are alive – I am lucky – right?
I have friends, I have a hobby I love, and I also am alive.
What more is there?