Who Did It Right?

Do you know anyone who was able to handle the death of a loved one well? – especially a life partner –  a husband, a wife, a mother or father, a brother or sister.
Did they go on with the same spirit, with the same habits, with the same lifestyle?  Did they continue as they had begun – engaging in life, in activities, in joy – the same way they always had before?
I wish I could think of someone who did this. It would give me a goal to reach, a semblance of peace just knowing that it can happen.
I have searched my memory for a person I have known who simply continued ——there are none.
Each person, in my experience, who was”bereaved” has been changed.   I never knew what that looked like before – until I also joined their ranks.

I can recollect  widows who always acted like they were widows – who never regained their joyful, carefree laughs or naughty ways. It was like there was a gray drape persistently hanging between them and life itself. They seemed to be waiting for death to relieve them of their sadness.
Sometimes it is this way for me – actually, I feel this way most of the time  …  I know it, I recognize it, but I seem denied the power to overcome it. I distract myself with activities, responsibilities, errands, and chores – but it never goes away. There is always a piece of me missing….there is always a sense of absence.

I have become the ultimate “faker” of life.
I have regained a different life, for sure, and one that is full of rewards. My kids and grandkids keep me grounded in joyful things and I have friends I never would have had in my old life. Being on my own has made me realize the importance of people in my life – friends.

I guess I could try to be an example to those who follow me as they also grow old and regrettably lose their special companions. Maybe they could say that Donna did it and so can I. I hope so………but right now it would be nice to have  that example to emulate……

Just some thoughts on a Sunday morning after Jim’s 68th birthday – the 5th one since “D” Day.

One response to “Who Did It Right?

  1. I miss him too Donna. I was thinking about him on Friday for sure. We are all changed by the death of a loved one but we must go on . I tell my kids stories about their grandma and that seems to help. Keep Jim’s memory alive with your grandchildren.

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