I have not written in this blog for a long time. I think it is because I am now feeling like the majority of people out there. I am here, I am coping with everyday life, I am not being affected every minute by a feeling of difference created by losing my best friend.
It has taken four full years of commiserating, reconsidering decisions, moving, challenging myself at every turn…but I think, after 66 years of living…I have finally discovered myself.
I never lived alone. I never considered 100% of the day’s challenges – noises the car makes, smells the furnace makes, hanging a picture, calling the plumber…..
I am now the ME I should have been from the beginning. Self sufficient and capable, with friends I can depend on, with family I respect even though I don’t see them often.
I don’t think my life is all that interesting anymore – at least to the general public. There is little drama and lots of good stuff going on. I am so busy here in my village that there is little time left to go in a different direction now or even to feel sorry for myself. The only time I get sad is when I try to go to a party and there is lots of noise, music and dancing. It is then that I miss my best friend and also my family and my youth.
I feel old most of the time now and that makes me sad too. I think that getting out and re-establishing my workouts will take care of that.
So, my internet friends, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Keep going, don’t give up. Give people a chance, give faith a chance, give yourself a chance. You will find yourself – not your phony self, not your brave-faced self, but the real you that you can respect and hold onto.
I have rung the most important bell for all of us- that of independence and courage to be happy once again – no one needs to read about that – just know it is possible.